At a recent gathering, I noticed a lively five-year-old girl in a frilly pink skirt accompanying her father. The moment she stepped inside the hall, her eyes scanned the room until they locked onto another girl, about the same age, wearing a striking red and black dress. She tugged at her father’s sleeve, signaling her intent to make a new friend.
It took a few glances, a handful of words, and the two were off running around playing catch-me-if-you-can – until the incoming stream of guests momentarily separated them.
Not able to locate each other, the girl returned to her father’s side and after a few stifling moments demanded – “I’m bored. Give me mobile”. The father duly obliged, the screen lit-up, short videos scrolled past.
Later, her new friend, having found her again, came over and nudged her to play. But the girl, now absorbed in the endless stream of videos, merely looked up with a blank expression, then dropped her gaze back to the screen. Needless to say, the friend turned and walked away.
After some time, the father received a call and reclaimed his phone.
What happens next is the crux of this story.
Realizing she won’t be getting the phone soon, the girl once again scanned the room and spotted her friend now playing with a group of four other kids. Happy to find her again, the girl got up and ran towards her. But something had shifted – her friend ignored her.
Confused, she hovered at the edge of the group, watching in silence. Then, she tried again. And again. Each time, she was met with rejection. But the girl was persistent. On her fifth attempt, her friend finally acknowledged her, letting her join in.
Clearly, this girl was fortunate – blessed with an ebullient temperament, the kind of personality that could turn social rejection into a temporary obstacle rather than a deep wound. She won her friend back with patience and tact.
Most children aren’t like that.
Most children, when ignored, either withdraw meekly or antagonize. Some become aggressive. Others retreat to the glow of the screen; an endless stream of cat videos filling the space where social resilience should have been.
The maturity gap parents overlook
Cognitively, a child’s brain develops at an astonishing rate, reaching near-adult levels of processing power fairly quickly. But psychosocial maturity lags behind, continuing to develop well into early adulthood.
This creates a maturity gap; a disconnect between the ability to think logically and the ability to fully grasp social consequences.
To a five-year-old, the reaction of “being sidelined” doesn’t naturally connect to the earlier decision of “ignoring her friend for a mobile”. The link between action and consequence isn’t obvious until pointed out.
And so, an opportunity for growth, an invaluable lesson in social reciprocity is lost.
What seemed like a small, harmless act – a bored child handed a mobile phone becomes another quiet erosion of emotional competence – the nourishing and healthy encounters between the parent and the child.
A generation of parents who fear boredom
For a typical modern family, with one parent working long hours and the other juggling multiple responsibilities, a child declaring, “I’m bored” can feel like an unwanted emotion that needs to be fixed. And the quickest, easiest solution? Hand them a screen.
Children, being quick learners recognize this, test its limits, and master this pattern. They now know boredom equals phone time.
But here’s the thing: Boredom is not the enemy…
…In fact, boredom is one of childhood’s greatest gifts.
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🍪 Fortune Cookie:
“I’m bored” is one of the most common emotions expressed by kids. What has changed over time isn’t boredom itself – it’s our perception of it. What was once embraced as a gateway to imagination is now treated as a problem that needs to be fixed.
Boredom isn’t bad. Embracing it is a game-changer for kids.
- Boredom pushes kids to think creatively – to invent, imagine, and innovate their own solutions.
- It teaches adaptability, the ability to navigate disappointments and find new ways to engage.
- With nothing else to do, kids introspect, building self-awareness. This is a crucial skill for developing empathy.
- It nurtures emotional resilience, helping kids manage discomfort rather than escape from it.
So the next time your child says, “I’m bored”, resist the impulse to fix it. Instead, simply say: “Excellent. It’s good to be bored sometimes”.
And if they persist? Offer a gentle, “I know. Please figure it out”.
Let them sit with boredom and wrestle with it, because that’s where real growth begins.
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Nikhil Kabadi 